im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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