Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
