Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
