wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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