she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
