i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
