Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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