Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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