im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
