i permit you to call me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
