I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
