He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
