Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
