I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
