The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
