i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
