Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
