Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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