so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
