I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
