Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
