mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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