Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
