i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
