Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
