I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
