I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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