I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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