so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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