Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
