New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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