Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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