He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
