I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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