Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
