I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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