you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
