You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
