come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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