Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
