i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
