it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
