well most of my day revolves around power hour
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He? As in you personified your dick?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize