Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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