The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
