My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
