I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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