literally had 100 drinks last night.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
