This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
