An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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