God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
