After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize