Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
