i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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