you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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