He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
