Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
