Four minutes until I can fart!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
