Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
