I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
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Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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