he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
