i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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