YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
