Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
