He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
