i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
