ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
