I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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