Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
