Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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