If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize