i already hear my dad disowning me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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