I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
