Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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