Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
