We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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