Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
